Suicide: why are we so afraid of the word?
If you or a loved one is in suicidal crisis or emotional distress please dial 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. (United States)
Kidarah’s new single ‘Suicide’ is a powerhouse of depth: musically and lyrically. She discusses a darkness that most of the world is afraid to talk about - so censored that our favorite apps won’t even allow us to create content with the word. So why now? Why has Kidarah decided to take a deep dive into what feels like an abyss of darkness? Why release it on March 2 - her birthday? Keep reading to find out.
“Suicide is a very dark and sensitive topic and yet I find myself contemplating it a lot. Most of my dark thoughts end in the thought of death being the easy way out. It was my senior year of high school when my best friend tried to take her own life. (Unsuccessfully, thank god) I won’t get into the details out of respect, but I think that I have never truly been the same since this experience. I was utterly mortified searching for her that dark night. Fast forward a few years later to when my beloved vocal coach passed away from cancer. This was another life altering event that has left me feeling more alone and more grief than I ever knew possible. All my plans to share my future success with her, to pay her back for all of her generosity… Shattered. I can only hope that she is watching from the heavens and is proud that I sing my truth just the way she taught me to.
All of this trauma and what do you have left? Well, you have me. An imperfectly perfect singer/songwriter/producer. A girl managing her pain through creating art. A singer who sometimes can barely sing through the tears. My therapist says that it is actually more common to contemplate your own mortality than you might think. What I’ve learned in therapy is that it is actually extremely healthy to be able to talk about your darkest thoughts with someone you trust. Holding all of that pain inside and then shaming yourself for having those thoughts or feelings will send you on a downward spiral of lonesome and self hate. I’ve said this about all of my music since day 1 and I’ll say it again: Music is my therapy, I use it to explore the feelings I am too afraid to face. Music allows me to express myself and release pain so that I can make room within myself to allow joy. If I hold my darkest thoughts inside I will be eternally unhappy, but if I release them and explore why I feel that way through song, I am able to let it go and move on more easily.
Suicide discusses a relationship that you feel might be the end of you. That could be a relationship with another, a relationship with god, a relationship with drugs, or even a relationship with self. I have a tendency to be naive: running straight into the fire with a smile. Then I wake up months or years later hurt and surprised when I realize I walked myself right into a trap. Life can be really hard, and as I sit here writing through tears, I realize how scared I am to share this part of myself with the world. It is scary to live in your darkest of truths, but I promise it is harder living a life in the shadows, afraid to speak up, then it will ever be to shout your feelings from the rooftops and let it go. As Spongebob once said: ‘I’m ugly and I’m proud!’ Reclaim your life because no one else can do it for you. Be a feather floating in the wind as you sing loud and sing proud: YOU AND I ARE SUICIDE.”
So…Why write a song quite like this? Pre-Save to find out...
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I love you,
Kidarah